# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 167 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Part Two - "Unreal City"

The Unreal City is north of the Land of the Dead. The description is "Under the brown fog of a winter [daytime_text][17 as a reference]. A graveyard, of sorts, is to the south. A rather fetching garden lies to the west. A low, blocky palace, built of obsidian, looms to the east. A plaza stretches to the north under the towering bulk of an obelisk."

The scenery_garden is scenery in the Unreal City. The printed name is "garden". The description is "To the west is a cheery little garden behind a white picket fence." Understand "cheery", "little", "garden", "picket", "fence", and "white" as the scenery_garden. Instead of going inside in the Unreal City, try going east.

The scenery_graveyard is scenery in the Unreal City. The printed name is "graveyard". The description is "A rather bland potter's field, with the imposing title (above the wrought-iron gate) 'THE LAND OF THE DEAD'." Understand "bland", "potter's", "field", "graveyard", "grave", "yard", "iron", "wrought", "wrought-iron", "land", "dead", and "land of the dead" as the scenery_graveyard.

The scenery_palace is scenery in the Unreal City. The printed name is "palace". The description is "A low obsidian palace broods menacingly to the east." Understand "low", "blocky", "obsidian", and "palace" as the scenery_palace.

The scenery_plaza is a backdrop in the Unreal City. It is in Little Thebes and the Slough of Despond. The printed name is "plaza". The description is "Dull gray flagstones stretch to the [if the location is the Unreal City]north[end if][if the location is Little Thebes]east[end if][if the location is the Slough of Despond]south, through the gate[end if][if Cerberus is in the plaza], where a monstrous three-headed dog guards the northern gate[end if]." Understand "plaza", "dull", "gray", "flagstone", "flagstones", and "stone" as the scenery_plaza.

The scenery_dog is a backdrop in the Unreal City. It is in Little Thebes. The printed name is "three-headed dog". The description is "An elephantine three-headed dog guards the northern gate." Understand "dog", "three-headed", and "Cerberus" as the scenery_dog.

The scenery_obelisk is scenery in the Unreal City. The description is "A tall bone obelisk jabs accusingly into the low clouds some distance to the north.". The printed name is "obelisk". Understand "tall", "bone", and "obelisk" as the scenery_obelisk.

Some Grahams are men in the Unreal City. They are ambiguously plural. "Identical men in dark suits and bowler hats scurry to and fro." The printed name is "identical men in dark suits and bowler hats rushing to and fro". The description is "Each identical man (for they are all men) wears an identical dark suit and an identical bowler hat, carries an identical black umbrella[50 as a reference], and, incongruously, sports an identical nametag proclaiming, in bright red letters, 'HELLO MY NAME IS GRAHAM.' I had not thought death had undone so many[18 as a reference]." Understand "men", "people", "dark", "black", "suit", "suits", "man", "person", "identical", "nametag", "red", "graham", "nelson", and "nelsons" as Grahams. The default reply of the Grahams is "The men pay you no attention." Instead of attacking the Grahams, say "You raise your hand and they scatter like crows[19 as a reference]." Instead of fucking the Grahams, say "You see no Nelson's Column here." Instead of kissing the Grahams, say "You don't know where to begin." The Grahams are unspeakable.

The scenery_umbrella is scenery in the Unreal City. The description is "Each identical man (for they are all men) wears an identical dark suit and an identical bowler hat, carries an identical black umbrella, and, incongruously, sports an identical nametag proclaiming, in bright red letters, 'HELLO MY NAME IS GRAHAM.' I had not thought death had undone so many[18 as a reference]." The printed name is "umbrella". Understand "umbrella" as the scenery_umbrella. Instead of taking the scenery_umbrella, say "Each one seems to belong to a man."

The scenery_bowler_hat is scenery in the Unreal City. The description is "Each identical man (for they are all men) wears an identical dark suit and an identical bowler hat, carries an identical black umbrella, and, incongruously, sports an identical nametag proclaiming, in bright red letters, 'HELLO MY NAME IS GRAHAM.' I had not thought death had undone so many[18 as a reference]." The printed name is "bowler hat". Understand "hat", "hats", "bowlers", and "bowler" as the scenery_bowler_hat. Instead of taking the scenery_bowler_hat, say "Each one seems to be worm by a man."

The umbrella is a thing. The umbrella can be openable. It is openable. The umbrella can be open or closed. It is closed. The printed name is "umbrella [if the umbrella is open](open)[otherwise](closed)". "A black umbrella lies, forlorn and abandoned, here." The description is "It is a perfectly ordinary black umbrella[if the umbrella is open], open[end if]."

Before going east from the Unreal City:

if the umbrella is held by the player

begin;

if the umbrella is open

begin;

say "(Politely closing the umbrella first)";

now the umbrella is closed;

end if;

end if.

Before going east from the Unreal City in the presence of Madame Sosostris, say "Madame Sosostris sniffs. 'I'll just stay here. I don't want to catch any of that tramp's diseases.'";