# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 99 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

- Home page
- Beginning
- Previous
- Next

Volume Nine - "Judaea"

Judaea is a region. Jaffa, Jonah's Museum, Fake Whale Interior, Gift Shop, Jerusalem, Jerusalem_Alley, Temple Courtyard, Judaean Brothel, and Zach's Mohelerie are in Judaea.

Stiffy In The Holy Land is a recurring scene. Stiffy In The Holy Land begins when the location is in Judaea. Stiffy in the Holy Land ends when the location is not in Judaea.

Test Judaea1 with "d/e/n/s/remove toga/fuck rachel/wear toga/get coin/x rachel/get mezuzah/n/e/give coin/w/w/s/s/buy disguise/get disguise/n/n/w".

Test min-jud1 with "d/e/n/s/remove toga/fuck rachel/wear toga/get coin/ get mezuzah/n/e/give coin/w/w/s/s/buy disguise/get disguise/n/n/w".

Test Judaea2 with "e/s/put banana on block/get banana/n/w/w".

The Judaean_sky_scenery is sky_scenery in Jaffa. It is in Jerusalem and the Jerusalem_Alley. The description is "A blinding sun stabs down from a pitiless azure sky." Understand "blue", "azure", "sky", "sun", "blinding", "pitiless", and "cloudlesss" as the Judaean_sky_scenery.

Judaeans are some men in Jaffa. They are ambiguously plural. They are scenery. The description of the Judaeans is "Big-nosed and strangely stiff-necked people hustle and bustle past, engaged in business of their own." Understand "Judean", "Judeans", "Judaean", "Judaeans", "Jew", "Jews", "Hebrew", "Hebrews", "man", "woman", "men", "people", "passer", "passers", "passerby", "passer-byes", "passers-by", "hustle", "hustling", "bustle", "bustling", "nose", "big", "nosed", "stiff", "neck", "stiff-necked", "necked", "big-nosed", and "women" as Judaeans. The default reply of the Judaeans is "'Meshuggah goy!' hisses a Judaean, avoiding you." The Judaeans are unspeakable.

Instead of attacking or fucking the Judaeans for the first time, say "A rumble of thunder freezes you in your tracks."

Instead of attacking or fucking the Judaeans:

say "A huge voice mutters '[bold type]PUTZ.[roman type]' A bolt of lightning from a clear blue sky reduces you to a greasy pile of ash.";

end the story saying "You have been incinerated by divine lightning"

Every turn during Stiffy In The Holy Land:

if the location is the Judaean Brothel for the first time

begin;

choose a row with a character of "Rachel" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

end if;

if the location is Jaffa, move the Judaeans to Jaffa;

if the location is Jerusalem, move the Judaeans to Jerusalem;

if the Judaeans are in the location and the stiffycock is visible and a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds

begin;

if a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds

begin;

say "Women shield their children's eyes from the sight of your glowing, uncircumcised penis. They themselves sneak sidelong glances when they think you're not watching.";

otherwise;

say "Men in prayer shawls stare in undisguised horror at your uncircumcised [stiffycolor of the stiffycock]-glowing cock.";

end if;

end if.

Every turn during Stiffy In The Holy Land:

if Rachel is in the location and Rachel is not boinked

begin;

if the stiffycock is visible and a random chance of 1 in 2 succeeds

begin;

say "Rachel eyes your [stiffycolor of the stiffycock]-glowing cock hungrily. She recovers her composure. [dirty request]";

otherwise;

say "[dirty request]";

end if;

end if.