# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 91 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Part Two - "Madame Sosostris"

Madame Sosostris is a woman in the fortune-teller's tent. The description is "Madame Sosostris is a blowzy woman of a certain age. She regards you from behind heavily-blued eyelids." Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of Madame Sosostris: no. Understand "clairvoyante", "famous", "medium", "famed", "blowzy", "fortune-teller", "fortuneteller", "shaky", "drunk", "drunken", "Auntie", "Mame", "Aunt", "Sybil" and "Fawlty" as Madame Sosostris. The conversation of Madame Sosostris is the Table of Madame's Chatter. The default reply of Madame Sosostris is "Madame Sosostris merely gives you a portentious look, and intones 'One fortune and one secret are all you get, dear. Don't be greedy.'" Instead of buggering, sucking, touching, tasting, wanking off, blowing, or rubbing Madame Sosostris, try fucking Madame Sosostris. Madame Sosostris has a horniness. Madame Sosostris is unaroused. Madame Sosostris has a virginity. Madame Sosostris is unboinked. [We will use this for something a bit different -- see Sweeny] Instead of fucking Madame Sosostris when the location is the Fortune-teller's tent, say "Good heavens. What a repulsive idea.". instead of fucking Madame Sosostris, say "[default reply of Madame Sosostris][paragraph break]".

The eyelids are part of Madame Sosostris. Understand "blue", "blued", "heavily", and "heavily-blued" as the eyelids. The description is "Her eyelids are an unnerving shade of blue."

This is the madame-topic-swapping rule:

if the topic understood matches "fortune/priapus/me/Mentula/Macanus/Stiffy/Makane/future/eris/banana/golden/discord/gold", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "my fortune", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "golden banana", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "golden banana of discord", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "Stiffy Makane", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "Mentula Macanus", replace the topic understood with "#fake1";

if the topic understood matches "secrets", replace the topic understood with "secret";

if the topic understood matches "syra", replace the topic understood with "#fake2";

if the topic understood matches "#fake1"

begin;

if Madame Sosostris is unboinked, now Madame Sosostris is boinked;

rule succeeds;

otherwise;

if the topic understood matches "secret"

begin;

if Madame Sosostris is unboinked

begin;

say "'No, dearie. Fortune first, [italic type]then[roman type] secret,' admonishes Madame Sosostris.";

rule fails;

otherwise;

if the guardian of the necropolis gate is Brandon Van Every

begin;

choose a random row in the Table of Guardians;

now the guardian of the necropolis gate is the tomb guard entry;

end if;

rule succeeds;

end if;

otherwise;

if the topic understood does not match "#fake2"

begin;

replace the topic understood with "ass potato";

end if;

end if;

end if;

rule succeeds;

Before asking Madame Sosostris about something:

if the location is the fortune-teller's tent:

consider the madame-topic-swapping rule;

if rule failed, stop the action.

Table of Madame's Chatter

topic | reply | summary | turn stamp
"#fake1" | "Madame Sosostris gazes into the crystal ball and frowns in the dim light. She solemnly reaches towards the scattered tarot deck and begins to turn up cards. 'Here is your card, the drowned Phoenician Sailor. (Those are pearls that were his eyes. Look!) Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks, the Lady of situations. Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel, and here is the one-eyed merchant and this card, which is blank, is something he carries on his back, which I am forbidden to see. I do not find the Hanged Man. Fear death by water[61 as a reference].'" | "'fear death by water' was your fortune" | a number
"secret" | "Madame Sosostris stares into the crystal ball for a while. '[The guardian of the necropolis gate] holds power over life and death.'" | "[the guardian of the necropolis gate] holds power over life and death." | --
"#fake2" | "Madame Sosostris blushes, but remains silent." | "she apparently knows something about Syra." | --