# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 210 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Book Five - "Duck"

The duck is a female animal. She is in Limbo. "An emaciated duck waddles dejectedly here. She stares at you with limpid brown eyes." The description of the duck is "The duck looks as if she's seen much better days. She is bedraggled, very skinny, and quite listless." The duck has a horniness. The duck is unaroused. Understand "Anas" and "duck" as the duck when the duck is proper-named. Understand "bedraggled", "emaciated", "dejected", and "listless" as the duck when the duck is not warned_about. Understand "plump", "juicy", "fat", "fattened", "shiny", "attractive", "vain", and "scrumptious" as the duck when the duck is warned_about. Understand "duck", "brown", "limpid", and "female" as the duck. She is speakable. The conversation of the duck is the Table of Duckly Chatter. The default reply of the duck is "'Oh! Woe is me!'" She is edible. Does the player mean doing something with the duck: it is very likely.

Sanity-check eating the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "[The duck] evades your clashing teeth and stares at you in disbelief.";

otherwise;

say "[The duck] rolls her eyes. 'Humanely killed and cooked first, please. Were you raised in a barn? Don't answer that.'";

end if;

stop the action.

Instead of touching, rubbing, sucking, blowing, kissing, or wanking off the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "[The duck] flaps hurriedly away from you. 'Quack!' she exclaims indignantly.";

otherwise;

say "[The duck] rolls her eyes. 'I'm saving myself for Jupiter, you filthy pervert. Now hurry up and eat me.'";

end if.

Instead of fucking the duck:

if the stiffycock is not visible, instead say "You are not undressed for the occasion.";

say "You, sir, are no Henry Miller[if the duck is horny][50 as a footnote][end if].";

Check taking the duck:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "'Quack!' exclaims the duck, flapping her wings indignantly.";

otherwise;

say "'I'll follow you,' says [the duck], 'Leave me a little shred of my dignity, please.'";

end if.

Instead of giving the duckweed to the duck:

if the duck is unaroused

begin;

if the moonmilk is not warned_about

begin;

say "The duck stretches her neck towards the duckweed eagerly. Yet, as her beak approaches it, her head is wrenched away as if by an invisible hand. 'Quack!' exclaims the duck indignantly. 'Quack! Quack quack quack!'";

otherwise;

say "The duck looks at you. 'I don't think that's going to work,' she says in a resigned tone. 'I'll try, but I'm pretty sure the curse will prevent me from eating of my own free will. But it looks [italic type]so[roman type] yummy!' She stretches her neck eagerly towards the duckweed, but as her beak approaches it, her head is wrenched to the side as if by an invisible hand. 'ARGH!' screams the duck in frustration. 'Can't do it.'";

end if;

otherwise;

if the duck is not warned_about

begin;

say "Having heard [the duck]'s story, you know that she cannot eat of her own volition. So you grab her head with one hand, and, forcing her beak open, cram duckweed down her gullet. She seems to plump up before your very eyes. 'Oh, joy!' she exclaims, preening herself. 'That's much better! Look at how plump and juicy my breast is now! Let's go see about getting me killed and eaten now.'";

remove the duckweed from play;

now the description of the duck is "The duck is plump and her feathers shine. Really, she's one of the most attractive fowl you've every seen.";

now the duck is warned_about;

now the duck is handled;

otherwise;

say "The duck says 'I'm full, thanks. No need to ruin my girlish figure. Too fat is almost as bad as too skinny.'";

end if;

end if.

Before asking the duck about something:

if the moonmilk is not warned_about, instead say "The duck, with great conviction and passion, replies 'Quack! Quack quack quack!'";

if the topic understood matches "anas" and the duck is horny, replace the topic understood with "duck";

if the topic understood matches "duck/herself/hera/juno/jupiter/jove/zeus/curse/duckweed/weed/woe/food"

begin;

now the duck is horny; [ Just an unused property, people. Calm down. ]

now the duck is proper-named;

now the printed name of the duck is "Anas";

end if;

continue the action.

Table of Duckly Chatter

topic | reply | summary | turn stamp |
"duck/herself/itself/hera/juno/jupiter/jove/zeus/curse/duckweed/weed/woe/food" | "'Oh, mine is a tale of woe! For once I was merely Anas, a pretty little duck maiden. Then Jupiter spied me at my ablutions and desired me, and thus, transforming himself into the form of a mighty mallard drake, did disport with me, and promised me everlasting bliss as his bathtub toy in the hallowed halls of Olympus. And then, as he was giving me, er, oral pleasure...' (she blushes prettily, a strange sight on a duck) '...that thrice-damned bitch-cunt Juno arrived, and, sneering nastily, said that that was all very well, and since obviously I was fine eating, that then I should not go to Olympus until I had first arrived on someone's table. But to make [italic type]that[roman type] more difficult, she cursed me to neither require food nor to age, but also to be unable to eat of my own free will, so that I might waste away and be unappetizing for anyone's repast. So now, I am doomed to wander the earth, always starving, never eating, until some kind soul,' she bats her eyelashes at you, 'takes pity on me and fattens me up for the dinner table.'" | "she needs to be fattened up and served for dinner to break Juno's curse on her" | --
"Syra" | "'I watched her entertain half a legion not far from here.'" | "she saw Syra engaged in a legendary feat of sluttiness" | --
"me/myself/Stiffy/Makane/Macanus/Mentula" or "Gaius Macanus Mentula" | "'Oh, please sir, [if the duck is not warned_about]fatten me up and [end if]eat me! I beg you!'" | "she desires to be eaten by you" | --

Table of Duckly Perambulation

mode |
"waddles"
"wobbles"
"totters"
"shambles"
"meanders"