# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 144 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Volume Thirteen - "The Journey North"

Book One - "Pirate Attack"

Greek Piracy is a scene. Greek Piracy begins when the global_pirate_attack_flag is 2. Greek Piracy ends when the global_pirate_attack_flag is 4. Instead of asking Bruno about anything during Greek Piracy:

say "Bruno waves his hand distractedly. 'Not now, Stiffy. Not now.'".

Instead of asking Palinurus about anything during Greek Piracy:

say "Palinurus snaps, 'Belay that, laddie! Can't ye see I'm busy?'".

When Greek Piracy begins:

remove the water_barrel from play;

remove the Pirate Captain from play;

move the player to Poop_Deck2;

move Bruno to Poop_Deck2;

move Palinurus to Poop_Deck2.

Test piracy with "z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/down/starboard/close door/z/z/z/kiss pirate"

Test min-piracy with "z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z/z".

Every turn during Greek Piracy:

increase the pirate clock by one;

[ If the player starts his turn in the room with the Pirate Captain and the Pirate captain is already hunting him, he's captured. ]

if the Pirate Captain is in the location and the global_pirate_attack_flag is 3, consider the you-are-snockered rule;

if the pirate clock is 1

begin;

say "A shout rings from the crow's nest. 'Ship approaching under fast oar, three points west of south!'";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 2

begin;

say "Bruno[if the location is the Poop Deck], beside you,[end if] shouts back, 'Markings?'";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 3

begin;

say "'Pirates!' shrieks the lookout.";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 4

begin;

say "'All hands to the oars!' calls Bruno.";

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard, say "Palinurus, looking grim, takes the rudder.";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 5

begin;

remove the far_scenery_ship from play;

move the scenery_pirate_ship to Outside_Shipboard;

say "The ship begins to move slowly forwards.";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 6

begin;

say "The ship picks up speed.";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 10 and the location is in Outside_Shipboard, say "It is evident that the pirate ship is gaining.";

if the pirate clock is 15 and the location is in Outside_Shipboard, say "The pirate ship heaves to alongside [italic type]The Golden Ass[roman type].";

if the pirate clock is 16

begin;

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard

begin;

say "The ship shudders as the pirate crew throws grapnels to secure their ship to [italic type]The Golden Ass[roman type].";

otherwise;

say "The ship shudders.";

end if;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 17

begin;

say "Bruno shouts, resignation in his voice, 'Crew of [italic type]The Golden Ass[roman type]: ship oars. Do not take up your arms. We surrender.' The ship drifts to a halt.";

end if;

if the pirate clock is 18

begin;

move the Pirate Captain to Poop_Deck2;

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard

begin;

say "The pirate captain springs lithely aboard.";

choose a row with a character of "Pirate Captain" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

end if;

if the location is Cabin Hallway or the location is Stiffy's Cabin

begin;

say "You hear bootheels clatter on the deck overhead.";

end if;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 19

begin;

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard

begin;

say "The pirate captain speaks briefly with Bruno, who looks terrified.";

end if;

if the location is Cabin Hallway or the location is Stiffy's Cabin

begin;

say "You hear voices overhead.";

end if;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 20

begin;

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard

begin;

say "Bruno turns, his face a mask of despair, and points mutely to you. The pirate captain grins wolfishly.";

end if;

if the location is Cabin Hallway or the location is Stiffy's Cabin

begin;

say "Boots stride over to the hatch[if the Cabin Hatch is closed], which is wrenched open[end if].";

now the Cabin Hatch is open;

end if;

now the global_pirate_attack_flag is 3;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 21

begin;

if the location is in Outside_Shipboard

begin;

say "The pirate captain strides to the fore, grinning at you the while.";

move the Pirate Captain to Main_Deck;

end if;

if the location is Cabin Hallway

begin;

move the Pirate Captain to Cabin Hallway;

say "The pirate captain [if the cabin hatch is closed]flings open the hatch, [end if]descends the ladder and leers unwholesomely at you.";

now the cabin hatch is open;

choose a row with a character of "Pirate Captain" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

end if;

if the location is Stiffy's Cabin

begin;

say "You hear boots descend the ladder outside your cabin[if Stiffy's Door is closed]. Your cabin door flies open[end if]. The pirate captain poses dramatically in the hall and silkily strokes his goatee as he leers at you.";

now Stiffy's door is open;

choose a row with a character of "Pirate Captain" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

move the Pirate Captain to Cabin Hallway;

end if;

if the location is the Hold

begin;

say "You hear bootheels on the deck overhead[if the Hold Hatch is closed]. The hatch is torn open[end if].";

now the hold hatch is open;

move the Pirate Captain to Main_Deck;

end if;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 22

begin;

if the location is Stiffy's Cabin

begin;

say "The pirate captain enters your room, smiles broadly at you, and licks his lips.";

choose a row with a character of "Pirate Captain" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

move the Pirate Captain to Stiffy's Cabin;

end if;

if the location is the Hold

begin;

say "The pirate captain [if the hold hatch is closed]flings open the hatch, [end if]descends the ladder, and [if the player is in the water_barrel]announces, 'I'm so terribly thirsty!' He knocks the top from the barrel, bends as if to scoop a drink from it, and starts in mock-surprise as he discovers you[otherwise]leers triumphantly at you[end if].";

now the hold hatch is open;

move the Pirate Captain to the Hold;

choose a row with a character of "Pirate Captain" in the Table of Real Cast Members;

now the met entry is true;

end if;

if the location is the Crow's Nest or the location is Halfway Up the Mast

begin;

say "The pirate captain blows a kiss to you and scrambles up the rigging.";

move the Pirate Captain to Halfway Up The Mast;

place the Pirate Captain in scope;

end if;

end if;

if the pirate clock is 23

[ at this point, Stiffy has to be in the Crow's Nest ]

begin;

say "The pirate captain, agile as a monkey, scurries into the Crow's Nest. 'Why, hello there,' he smiles as he vaults over the side.";

move the Pirate Captain to the Crow's Nest;

end if;

if the location of the Pirate Captain is the location

[ Check to see if the Pirate Captain has moved to the player's location. ]

begin;

if the global_pirate_attack_flag is 2, say "The pirate captain pauses briefly in his conversation with Bruno to leer at you.";

if the global_pirate_attack_flag is 3, consider the you-are-snockered rule;

end if.

After deciding the scope of the player when the location is Stiffy's Cabin and the location of the Pirate Captain is Cabin Hallway and Stiffy's door is open:

place the Pirate Captain in scope.

After deciding the scope of the player when the location is in Outside_Shipboard and the location of the Pirate Captain is in Outside_Shipboard:

place the Pirate Captain in scope.

Before doing anything other than examining with the Pirate Captain:

if the location of the Pirate Captain is not the location

begin;

say "You're not quite close enough, but doubtless that will change soon enough.";

stop the action;

otherwise;

continue the action;

end if.

This is the you-are-snockered rule:

now the global_pirate_attack_flag is 4.;

say "The pirate captain, holding you fast in his strong and manly grasp, marches you past Palinurus, who sadly shakes his head, and Bruno, who is weeping openly. 'I'm sorry, Master Makane!' Bruno cries. 'I'll get your father to ransom you just as soon as I can!' The pirate tosses you like a sack of grain across the gap between the ships to one of his men and then himself leaps over. You are taken below.";

move the player to the Captain's Cabin;

move the Pirate Captain to the Captain's Cabin;

repeat with possession running through things held by the player begin;

if possession is not part of the player

begin;

remove possession from play;

end if;

end repeat;

really have the parser notice the pirate captain;

stop the action.