# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 82 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Chapter Two - "Archie"

Archie is a man in the Polyphemus Brothel. The printed name is "a red-headed barbarian". Understand "man", "whore", "man-whore", "prostitute", "catamite", "hooker", "virile", "barbarian", "Archimedes", and "Andrews" as Archie. The default reply of Archie is "'You're not here to [italic type]talk[roman type], are you?' ". The description of Archie is "[Archie] lounges sultrily against the wall, next to a prayer to the gods of the sea. His bright-orange hair (characteristic of virile barbarians) frames bushy eyebrows and a cheery grin. He is resplendent in a leather jockstrap that fails to conceal his prodigious endowment." The conversation of Archie is the Table of Archie's Chatter.

Archie's cock is part of Archie. It is a penis. The description is "As your cock is to that of ordinary mortals, so is Archie's to yours." Understand "leather", "jockstrap", "endowment", and "prodigious" as Archie's cock.

Archie's hair is part of Archie. The description is "Flame-red, Archie's hair is, to say the least, striking." Understand "red", "flame", "flame-red", "orange", "bright-orange", "bright", "red-haired", "red-headed", "and head" as Archie's hair.

Archie's eyebrows are part of Archie. They are ambiguously plural. Understand "bushy", "brow", "brows", and "eyebrows" as Archie's eyebrows. The description is "Bushy!"

Archie's mouth is part of Archie. Understand "cheery", "grin", "lips", and "teeth" as Archie's mouth. The description is "He has a goofy grin, like Festus, but better teeth."

Check taking Archie's cock:

if the stiffycock is visible, instead try fucking Archie;

say "Archie frowns. 'Aren't you a little overdressed?'".

Instead of asking Archie about "date":

If the stiffycock is visible, instead try fucking Archie;

say "Archie frowns. 'Aren't you a little overdressed?'".

Before asking Archie about "blow job", instead try asking Archie about "blowjob".

Instead of asking Archie about "blowjob/blow":

If the stiffycock is visible, instead try fucking Archie's mouth;

say "Archie frowns. 'Aren't you a little overdressed?'".

Instead of showing the stiffycock to Archie:

say "Archie smiles encouragingly. 'Nice.'"

Instead of fucking or buggering Archie:

if the stiffycock is not visible, instead say "You are not undressed for the occasion.";

say "You grasp Archie's face in your hands, bring him close, and kiss him passionately. Reaching down, you free his Brobdignagian erection from its leather holster. He gasps as you run your thumbnail along the underside of his glans. 'I've got an idea,' he moans.";

consider the archie-fucking rule.

Instead of kissing Archie:

if the stiffycock is visible, instead try fucking Archie;

say "Archie kisses you passionately. 'Why don't you get more comfortable?' he suggests.".

Instead of sucking Archie:

say "You slide to your knees and release Archie's enormous cock from its leather sheath. He moans as you circle the glans with your tongue. Experimentally, you try taking more and more of the gigantic shaft into your mouth. After a few minutes, Archie gasps, 'Wait.'";

consider the archie-fucking rule.

Instead of tasting Archie, try sucking Archie. Instead of blowing Archie, try sucking Archie.

Instead of fucking Archie's mouth:

if the stiffycock is not visible, instead say "You are not undressed for the occasion.";

say "Archie drops to his knees in front of you. He effortlessly deep-throats your [stiffycolor of the stiffycock] penis, expertly employing his tongue and just a hint of teeth. You are moaning, thrusting into his mouth, perilously close to ejaculation, when he pulls his head away. 'I think you're ready now,' he smiles.";

consider the archie-fucking rule.

Instead of rubbing Archie:

say "Reaching down, you free his Brobdignagian erection from its leather holster. He gasps as you run your thumbnail along the underside of his glans. 'I've got an idea,' he moans.";

consider the archie-fucking rule.

Instead of touching Archie, try rubbing Archie. Instead of wanking off Archie, try rubbing Archie.

Table of Archie's Chatter

topic | reply | summary | turn stamp
"himself/Archie/Andrews/Archibald/Archimedes" or "Archie Andrews" | "'Oh, I'm only working here to save up some money so I can take my girl out on a proper date!'" | "he considers this a strictly temporary job" | --
"girl/Betty/Veronica/Cheryl/Lodge/Cooper/Blossom" or "Veronica Lodge" or "Betty Cooper" | "'I'm not sure whether I should go out with Betty or Veronica first.'" | "he is undecided between Betty and Veronica." | --
"Cheryl/Blossom" or "Cheryl Blossom" | "He looks startled. 'Have you been stalking me?'" | "he seemed surprised that you knew enough about him to ask about Cheryl" | --
"sand/reckoner/reckoning" or "sand reckoner" | "'There sure are a lot of sand grains. It'd take a long time to count.'" | "he's less mathematically inclined than his namesake" | --
"catapult/catapults/mirror/mirrors/fire/greek" or "greek fire" | "'I'm a boy-toy, not a military engineer, you know.'" | "he's not the genius that his namesake was" | --
"prayer/commandment/12592" | "'What[italic type]ever[roman type]. I'll say [apostrophe]Hello, sailor[apostrophe] all I want. Hello, sailor!'" | "he doesn't take the commandment very seriously" | --
"me/Stiffy/Makane" or "Stiffy Makane" | "'You're cute.'" | "he thinks you're cute" | --
"Syra" | "'Wow!'" | "he was impressed by Syra" | --

This is the archie-fucking rule:

if the stiffycock is not visible

begin;

say "Archie hurriedly strips your toga from you and throws it to the floor.";

now the toga is in the location;

end if;

say "Archie lies down flat on his back on the lionskin rug, his monstrous erection pointing at the ceiling. Producing a small jar of oil from somewhere, he greases it up, and then carefully guides your anus onto its tip. Supporting you with firm, manly hands beneath your buttocks, he slowly works the length of his cock into your ass, rotating you bit by bit clockwise as he does so. As you complete your third revolution, he grins even wider and says, 'And that's why they call it the Screw of Archimedes.'[paragraph break]You both burst out laughing and he drops you the last three inches. The pain and pleasure are both exquisite. Somehow he then flips you onto your hands and knees, props himself behind you, and starts hammering away, working your throbbing cock with his right hand.[paragraph break]'My lever's big enough. Just give me a place to stand and I'll [italic type]rock your world[roman type]!' he shouts as he shudderingly unloads his semen into your anus, as it clenches in rhythm to your own orgasm.[paragraph break][paragraph break][paragraph break]";

say "Several hours later, you awaken alone on the lionskin rug. You can see that the weather has cleared up while you were sleeping.";

now the description of the syracuse_sky_scenery is "Partly cloudy. The storm has passed.";

now Archie is boinked;

now Stiffy Makane is cleanish;

remove Archie from play;

record "Archie" as achieved;

really have the parser notice the lionskin rug;

rule succeeds.