# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 50 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Part Two - "The Golden Apple"

The apple is scenery in the Altar of Eris. The description is "This is a golden apple about five feet high. '[if Unicode compliance is 1][Greek-Kallisti]'[otherwise]KALLISTI' (in Greek characters)[end if] is engraved in large black letters on it. About six inches below waist height is a dark, elliptical opening about two inches wide and five inches tall[11 as a reference][12 as a reference]." The printed name is "golden apple". The apple has a number called molested. The apple has a virginity. The apple is unboinked. The apple has a number called warned. The apple has warned 0. Understand "gold", "golden", "metallic", "warm", and "metal" as the apple. Instead of sucking the apple, try tasting the apple. Instead of tasting the apple, say "Metallic." Instead of smelling the apple, try tasting the apple. Instead of touching the apple, say "Its surface is hard and unyielding metal, but strangely warm." Check taking the apple: instead say "It's much too big." Instead of rolling the apple, say "The apple is fixed somehow to the dais."

The scenery_dais is scenery in the Altar of Eris. The description is "The dais is marble, and utterly unremarkable." Understand "marble" and "dais" as the scenery_dais.

Instead of fucking the apple:

if the apple is unboinked

begin;

if the stiffycock is held by the player

begin;

if the stiffycock is lit

begin;

now the apple is boinked;

say "With some trepidation, you slide your penis into the hole. To your surprise and delight, there is something very much like a vagina in there. You thrust into it; it thrusts back; it even knows when and how to clench to intensify your experience. After a few moments, you have a most satisfying orgasm. [paragraph break]A resonant, husky voice murmurs inside your head: 'Ahhh, that was nice. Stiffy Makane, you have greatly pleased Me. Now I charge thee with a quest. The Golden Banana of Discord has been stolen from this temple. Find it, and return it to Me in my Olympic Abode.'[paragraph break]";

record "the Golden Apple" as achieved;

otherwise;

if the apple is not_warned_about

begin;

now the apple is warned_about;

say "It is pitch black in there. Your cock is likely to be eaten by a grue[14 as a reference].";

otherwise;

say "Chomp! A grue bites your dick completely off, as was foretold.";

end the story saying "You have been emasculated by a grue";

end if;

end if;

otherwise;

say "You're not undressed for the occasion.";

end if;

otherwise;

say "A husky voice inside your head growls, 'Don[apostrophe]t push your luck, Stiffy. Where's my Golden Banana of Discord?'";

end if;

The opening is scenery in the Altar of Eris. The description is "A dark opening. It looks like it would be pretty snug." Instead of smelling the opening, say "Mmmm. Tuna." Instead of fucking the opening, try fucking the apple. Understand "cunt", "hole", "pussy", "vagina", "tuna", "snug", "tight" and "dark" as the opening. Instead of touching the opening, say "It's pretty dark in there, and you know that grues lurk in dark places. So, no." Instead of tasting the opening, try touching the opening. Instead of wanking off the opening, try touching the opening. Instead of inserting the stiffycock into the opening, instead try fucking the apple. Instead of inserting something into the opening, say "There is a snapping sound from within the opening, and you hurriedly pull [the noun] back." Instead of searching the opening, say "You gingerly reach into the opening, and hurriedly yank your hand out as something with hot, fetid breath snaps at your fingers."

Kallisti is scenery in the Altar of Eris. The printed name is "engraving". The description is "[if Unicode compliance is 1]It says '[Greek-Kallisti],' but it's Greek to you[otherwise]It's Greek to you; fortunately, you [italic type]can[roman type] read Greek: [italic type]KALLISTI[roman type][end if]." Understand "engraving", "writing", "Greek", and "black" as kallisti.

Test apple with "X apple/ x opening/ Remove toga/ Fuck apple "