# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 102 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Part Three - "Gift Shop"

The Gift Shop is a room. It is south of Jonah's Museum. The description is "This shabby gift shop is ruled by a grim-visaged proprietor. [if the location of the disguise is a room]There appears to be exactly one item on the shelves[otherwise]The shelves are bare[end if]."

Some shelves are scenery in the gift shop. They are ambiguously plural. Understand "shelf", "bare", "despair", "futile", "futility", and "dispairing" as shelves. Instead of doing anything other than examining with the shelves, say "The shelves exude such an air of despair and futility that you are dissuaded from your plan." The description is "The shelves are bare[if the location of the disguise is a room] but for a single item[end if]."

The disguise is an thing in the Gift Shop. After examining the disguise, say "The proprietor says, 'For you, my friend, ten shekels.'" The description is "The disguise claims to be an 'Authentic Jonah Costume.' It appears to consist of a cheaply-made tallis and a huge fake beard made of scratchy wool, with protruding wires to hook over your ears." Understand "item", "single", "lone", "tallis", "costume", "fake", and "beard" as the disguise.

Check taking the disguise:

if the disguise is not warned_about, instead say "'Nuh-uh,' says the proprietor. 'Ten shekels, pal.'";

say "You pick up the tallis and the beard.";

remove the disguise from play;

really have the parser notice the tallis;

move the tallis to the player;

move the fake beard to the player;

stop the action.

The fake beard is an ornament. The description is "It's a huge bushy fake black beard, made of scratchy wool. It has wire earpieces to hold it on your face." Understand "huge", "bushy", "black", "itchy", "scratchy", "wire", "earpiece", "earpieces", "wool", and "woolen" as the fake beard.

The tallis is an ornament. The description is "The tallis is made of cheap cotton. The white is really sort of gray, the blue is smeared and runny, the tzitzis are moth-eaten, and the whole thing looks ready to fall apart at any moment." Understand "cheap", "cotton", "white", "blue", "gray", "smeared", "runny", "cheaply-made", "shawl", "moth-eaten", "tzitzit", "tzitzis", "fringe", "fringes", and "prayer" as the tallis.

The proprietor is a man in the Gift Shop. He is scenery. The description is "The proprietor looks exactly like a man who's spent much of his life presiding over a crappy gift shop in a terrible museum, standing in front of dilapidated shelves. He is wizened and exudes an air of bitter petulance." The default reply of the proprietor is "'Can't help you there.'" Understand "wizened", "bitter", "petulance", "petulant", "dilapidated", "shelf", "shelves", "vendor", "shopkeeper", "grim", "old", "dibbler", "man", "grim-visaged", and "merchant" as the proprietor. The conversation of the proprietor is the Table of Proprietor's Chatter. Instead of touching, rubbing, sucking, fucking, blowing, buggering, kissing, or wanking off the proprietor:

say "The mere thought depresses you.".

Instead of buying the disguise:

if the ten-drachma coin is held, instead try giving the ten-drachma coin to the proprietor;

if the five-shekel coin is held, instead try giving the five-shekel coin to the proprietor;

try taking the disguise.

Instead of giving or showing the ten-drachma coin to the proprietor:

say "The proprietor stares at you in horrified disbelief. 'What?' he finally croaks out. 'Do I look like a moneychanger to you? I don't take that goyishe dreck! Shekels only!'".

Instead of giving or showing the five-shekel coin to the proprietor:

say "The proprietor looks at the coin, and back at you, and at the disguise, and back at you. 'All right,' he finally says. 'But it's cutting me own throat[73 as a reference].'";

remove the five-shekel coin from play;

really have the parser notice the disguise;

now the disguise is warned_about.

Instead of giving or showing something to the proprietor, say "The proprietor looks at [the noun] with unconcealed contempt. 'So?' he sneers."

Table of Proprietor's Chatter

topic | reply | summary | turn stamp
"himself/dibbler/cmot/cut-me-own-throat/proprietor/vendor/shopkeeper/merchant" | "'What can I say? It's a living. If you can call it living.'" | "he's not too happy with his life" | a number
"Syra" | "'Ah, yes. Syra. It's moments like that that make it all worthwhile.'" | "he fondly remembers Syra's visit to his shop"
"Jonah/whale/leviathan" | "'That's what happens if you attract Jehovah's attention and then don't do what he says.'" | "ignoring Jehovah's wishes is a good way to get eaten by a whale" | --
"disguise/costume/tallis/beard" or "fake beard" | "'Finest quality! Ten shekels.'" | "he wants ten shekels for the disguise"