# Stiffy Makane: Apocolocyntosis — 87 of 235

## One of the Bruces and Drunken Bastard

Release 1

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Part Two - "Dr. Nick"

A shabby Greek doctor is a man in the Clinic. The description is "The doctor is a skinny man with a goatee and a white tunic. He's kind of twitchy and nervous." Understand "shabby", "Nick", "Doctor", "Nikolos", "Dr", "white", "tunic", "goatee", "twitchy", "nervous", "doc", and "skinny" as the shabby Greek doctor. The conversation of the shabby Greek doctor is the Table of Nikolos's Chatter. The default reply of the shabby Greek doctor is "The doctor shrugs noncommitally." Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "himself/Nikolos/Nick/Doctor/Dr", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1". Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "Doctor Nick", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1". Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "Doctor Nikolos", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1". Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "Dr Nick", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1". Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "Dr Nikolos", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1" . The indefinite article of the shabby Greek doctor is "a".

Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "#fake1":

now the shabby Greek doctor is handled;

now the printed name of the shabby Greek doctor is "Nikolos";

now the indefinite article of the shabby Greek doctor is "Doctor";

now the shabby Greek doctor is proper-named.

Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "rod/prick/wang/dick/schween/passer/sparrow/schlong/pecker/genitals/penis/cock/pus/greenish/green/clap/gonorrhea/disease/std/drip/burning/discharge/drips/drippy", replace the topic understood with "me".

Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "greenish pus", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "me".

Before asking the shabby Greek doctor about "green pus", instead try asking the shabby Greek doctor about "me".

Instead of burning the weed in the Clinic:

if the shabby Greek doctor is warned_about

begin;

say "As you attempt to light the weed from a burning smudge-pot of incense, the doctor grabs it from your hands.";

try giving the weed to the shabby Greek doctor;

otherwise;

say "The doctor smacks your hand as you try to light the weed from a burning smudge-pot of incense. 'What gives? Are you trying to entrap me, narc?'";

end if.

Instead of showing the greenish pus to the shabby Greek doctor:

if the greenish pus is visible

begin;

instead try showing the stiffycock to the shabby Greek doctor;

end if.

Instead of showing the stiffycock to the shabby Greek doctor:

If the player is not on the examination table

begin;

say "'I won't look until you're on the table,' sniffs the doctor. 'It wouldn't be professional.'";

otherwise;

if the stiffycock is not diseased

begin;

if the shabby Greek doctor is not boinked

begin;

say "The doctor examines your cock closely. He rolls it back and forth between his palms, stares at it closely, and runs his thumbnail along your urethra. [if the stiffycock is lit]He seems fascinated by the [stiffycolor of the stiffycock] glow.[end if][line break]He peels back the foreskin and vigorously rubs your glans with both thumbs. With a soft groan, you ejaculate right into his eyes.[paragraph break]'Augh!' shrieks the doctor, staggering back. 'You asshole!' As he regains his composure, dabbing at his reddened orbs with the sleeve of his tunic, he grumbles, '[if the shabby Greek doctor is not handled]After that intimacy, I feel I should introduce myself: my name is Nikolos. [end if]You appear to be all cured.'";

if the shabby Greek doctor is not handled

begin;

now the shabby Greek doctor is handled;

now the printed name of the shabby Greek doctor is "Nikolos";

now the indefinite article of the shabby Greek doctor is "Doctor";

now the shabby Greek doctor is proper-named;

end if;

record "Dr. Nick" as achieved;

now the shabby Greek doctor is boinked;

otherwise;

say "'I'm not falling for that one again,' snarls Dr. Nick.";

end if;

otherwise;

if the weed is not held by the shabby Greek doctor

begin;

if the shabby Greek doctor is not warned_about

begin;

say "The doctor looks[if the stiffycock is lit] with some interest at your [stiffycolor of the stiffycock]-glowing cock, and then with much less excitement[otherwise] tiredly[end if] at the greenish pus dripping from your cock. 'The clap,' he announces. 'As if you didn't know. All right. So here's what we're going to do. Gonorrhea is indicative of a hot, wet humor, obviously, since it's both dripping and burning. So cold and dry would naturally be the treatment for it. However,' he glances at you, 'it's self-evident that you are in no way suited to cold humors, and so such a treatment would be ineffectual. Therefore, we must try to burn it out....no, not literally,' he sighs, rolling his eyes at your flinch. 'We must treat it with a hot dry remedy. To the north of town there is a necropolis. Poke around the tombs: on or near some graves you will find a certain weed, tall, with leaves shaped like a hand. It smells sort of skunk-like. Bring me that weed, and I will treat your discharge.'";

now the shabby Greek doctor is warned_about;

otherwise;

say "'Yes, I've seen it,' says the doctor. 'Bring me the weed I asked for, and I'll put together a treatment.'";

end if;

otherwise;

say "The doctor nods as you gingerly present your cock. 'OK,' he says, 'hold this,' handing you a sputtering tallow candle giving off thick black smoke with a hint of sandalwood. He plucks the buds from the weed you gave him and crumbles them into a small clay pipe. He then takes the candle back and lights the pipe from it and sucks in a lungful of smoke, which he holds for a long time, and then finally coughs out, sputtering. He grins at you encouragingly. 'Doing fine!' he croaks, and takes another huge hit. After a while he releases that cloud of smoke too and takes the candle back.[paragraph break]'Trippy,' he mutters, staring into the flame. 'Uh, anyway, O Asclepius, we beseech thee, cure this guy's clap, please.' He repeats his smoke-breathing ritual, splutters out thick blue sweet-smelling fumes, and hands both the candle and the pipe to you. 'Take a toke,' he wheezes. 'You're gonna want it.'[paragraph break]It's hard to actually get the pipe re-lit from the drippy candle, but you eventually persevere and manage to get a lungful of hot smoke[27 as a footnote]. While distracted with the pipe, however, you fail to notice that the doctor has grabbed a large leather mallet. As you struggle not to choke on the harsh smoke, he smacks the mallet hard onto your cock, which is stretched out on the examination table. A huge glob of bloody pus squirts from it. You shriek in agony, smoke erupting from your mouth and nose, and black out.[paragraph break]";

remove the weed from play;

remove the greenish pus from play;

Let N be 0;

if the toga is held or the toga is in the location

begin;

now N is 1;

end if;

move the player to the Industrial Wasteland;

if N is 1

begin;

now the toga is worn by the player;

remove the stiffycock from play;

really have the parser notice the toga;

end if;

say "You come to, some time later, outside the clinic[if N is 1]. Apparently the doctor put your toga back on while you were unconscious[end if].";

now the stiffycock is healthy;

end if;

end if;

end if.

Instead of giving the weed to the shabby Greek doctor:

if the shabby Greek doctor is not warned_about

begin;

say "The doctor looks at you suspiciously. 'I haven't asked for this...[italic type]yet[roman type]. What gives? Are you a narc? I've never seen that weed before in my life.'";

otherwise;

say "The doctor clasps the weed eagerly. 'Perfect!' he chortles. 'Present yourself for inspection.'";

now the weed is held by the doctor;

end if.

Instead of giving the stiffycock to the shabby Greek doctor:

if the stiffycock is diseased, instead try showing the stiffycock to the shabby Greek doctor;

if the shabby Greek doctor is boinked

begin;

say "The doctor frowns at you. 'You already came in my eyes. That's enough for me, thanks.'";

otherwise;

say "'That would be unprofessional,' sniffs the doctor.";

end if.

Instead of touching, rubbing, sucking, fucking, blowing, kissing, or wanking off the shabby Greek doctor:

If the stiffycock is diseased

begin;

if the shabby Greek doctor is not warned_about

begin;

if the stiffycock is not visible

begin;

say "The doctor brusquely rebuffs your advances, citing professionalism.";

otherwise;

say "The doctor stares at you. 'You want to get it on with me while your schlong is dripping green pus? You're crazy!'";

end if;

otherwise;

say "The doctor stares at you. 'We both know you have the clap. You're crazy!'";

end if;

otherwise;

if the doctor is not boinked

begin;

say "'That would be unprofessional,' sniffs the doctor.";

otherwise;

say "The doctor frowns at you. 'You already came in my eyes. That's enough for me, thanks.'";

end if;

end if.

Instead of giving something to the doctor:

say "The doctor waves [the noun] away with irritation.";

Table of Nikolos's Chatter

topic | reply | summary | turn stamp
"#fake1" | "'Hi, everybody! I'm Doctor Nick!'" | "his name is Doctor Nick" | --
"me/myself/Makane/Lucius/Macanus" or "Lucius Macanus Mentula" | "'Are you sick? [if the stiffycock is not visible]Strip down. [end if][if the player is not on the examination table]Get on the table and [end if]I'll take a look if you'll show me what's wrong.'" | "he'll examine you if you get undressed and on the table and then show him what's wrong" | --
"weed/pot/cannabis/herb/bud/plant/kind/420/schwag/marijuana/medicine/medicinal/special" or "pot plant" | "'It is a curative herb of great potency.'" | "he says the weed is a very powerful medicinal plant" | --
"Syra" | "'Now there was an interesting medical history. Every venereal disease in the book...and a hell of a lay, too!'" | "Syra was both exceptionally talented and exceptionally diseased" | --
"Phlebas/sailor" or "Phoenician sailor" | "'He's been in here a couple times for the clap. Typical sailor.'" | "Phlebas has been treated for the clap a couple times" | --
"Sosostris/clairvoyante/madame/medium/fortune-teller/fortuneteller" or "Madame Sosostris" | "The doctor purses his lips. 'I hear she's an excellent fortune-teller. She's certainly a heavy drinker.'" | "Madame Sosostris likes to drink" | --
"Carthage" | "'Kind of a shit-hole, frankly.'" | "he's not too wild about Carthage" | --
"Zach/Zack/Zak/Zachary/Zacharaias/mohel" | "'He comes all the way from Judea for my special medicines.'" | "Zach buys medicines from the doctor" | --